Echter Schmerz

19. August 2016

Für unsereins:
Eine Plastik-Robbe.
(Genau genommen ein Seelöwe.)
Marke Schleich.
5 Euro 99, höchstens.
Hart und kantig, so gar kein Kuscheltier.

Für dich:
Deine Robbe.
Gesprächspartner.
Geliebtes Geschöpf.

Überall mit dabei.
Nachts im Bett.
Tags mit am Tisch.
Unterwegs im Auto.

Auch an diesem einen Donnerstag gestern in der großen Stadt.
Mit unterwegs, deine Robbe.
Einige Momente lang vergessen.
Aus dem Buggy gerutscht (so unsere einzige Erklärung).
Beim Zurückgehen nicht mehr gefunden.
Verloren, für uns und dich.

Am Abend im Bett,
mit leerer Hand
bricht die Erkenntnis durch.
Kommen dir die Tränen.
„Meine Robbe!“, schluchzt es in dir.
Und ich spüre den Schmerz.
Tief in dir und tief in mir.
Weine mit.
Halte dich, so gut ich kann.
Bis du schläfst.

So muss Gott weinen über das Verlorene.
Bevor er losgeht und es wiederfindet, im Gleichnis.
Das Leben ist kein Gleichnis.
Im Moment jedenfalls nicht.
Für uns bleibt sie verloren, deine Robbe.

Da hilft keine unserer fixen Ideen.
Nicht die Behauptung, es gehe ihr gut, deiner Robbe. (Tut es das?)
Nicht das andere Tier, dir in die Hand gedrückt. (Es bleibt ein anderes.)
Nicht der versprochene Ersatz aus dem Spielzeugladen. (Zu billig für dich und uns.)

Es bleibt die Hoffnung, dass selbst sie zu seiner Schöpfung gehört.
Dass auch sie nicht zu klein ist für Gott.
Deine Robbe.
Dass er deinen Schmerz spürt, und meinen.
Mit dir weint und mit mir weint.
Uns hält, so gut nur er es kann.
Wenn wir schlafen und wachen.

Und dass er losgeht eines nahen Tages.
Und sie wiederfindet.
Mit allem anderen, was uns wichtig war und ist.
Und dich und mich.

 

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